Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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