He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
