none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
