I queefed so loud it echoed.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
