He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
