You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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