i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
