I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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