so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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