Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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