everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
