i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
