HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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