Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
