youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
