we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
