Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
