Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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