I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
