No stitches, just platelets and will power
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
