wrigley field is MILF paradise
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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