That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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