I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
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Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
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Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize