I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
