we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
