I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Randomize
