Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Drunk is not a location!
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