um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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