there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
