take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
