I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
