just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
