He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Come on in and take your pants off
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