I would go down on you faster than GM stock
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
