why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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