this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
