A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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