Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
