I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
