Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
