but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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