i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
