Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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