just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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