Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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