I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
