My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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