I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
