Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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