I got chris browned last night
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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