Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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