The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize
