dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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