i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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