you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
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