You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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