just come out here and I will go home with you...
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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