A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
