How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Randomize
