Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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