Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Randomize
