M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
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as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
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No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize