garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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