we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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