Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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