You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
