your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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