I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
