I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
