so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
