Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I got inside last night via doggy door
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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