Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
