I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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