Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
