PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
