i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Randomize
