The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
