She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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