Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
