you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Randomize
