I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
