its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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