I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
i just google imaged poop.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
