I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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