Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
