Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
he thought i was a dude.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
